A Must-Read Book if You Are Raising Teenage Girls

We know that raising teenage girls can sometimes be a complex and nuanced process. This book is a great resource for understanding their world and how we, as parents, can best help them navigate their way to adulthood. 

untangled
Guiding Teenage Girls Through The Seven Transitions Into Adulthood
By: Lisa Damour, Phd

This book is a must-read for any parent of a daughter. I wish I had read this 10 years ago when my daughter started her transition into adulthood. This book will help parents understand, connect and grow with their daughter and explain a lot of the confusing messages we get from our girls.

I loved the author’s metaphor for parenting a young girl. The parent is a swimming pool, the water is the world and your daughter is the swimmer. She wants to be swimming all on her own but then she gets tired and has to hold onto the side of the pool (parent). When she catches her breathe, she will push off the side of the pool (parent). Sometimes this push may be hurtful or rude but it is your daughter showing her independence again. As parents, we want to be there to support when needed and allow her to swim when ready.​

As parents, I believe we all try to ‘fix’ things for our children.  At this time in your daughter’s life, we need to understand the difference between when our daughter is ‘complaining’ vs ‘venting’. The book explains that complaining means ‘we want someone to fix something’. Venting means ‘I’ll feel better when someone who cares about me hears me out’. A great question to ask your daughter when she starts complaining or venting is ‘Do you want my help or do you just need to vent?’. 

Some key points I loved in the book:

• 2 signals girls most commonly use to let us know they are questioning our authority are rolling her eyes and taking a sassy tone. This was easier to take from a two-year-old but they are testing their limits - again! And they need to know what the limits are.
• Children try to give their problem to their parent when it is overwhelming them and they need a break. This is where I love the 24-hour rule, unless it is life threatening, sleep on it and review problem in the morning.
• You’ll know that you’ve been pulled into your daughter’s conflict when you find yourself nagging her to do something that she knows full well she should do - people make changes when they are uncomfortable. We need to allow them to be uncomfortable sometimes.

Book Review by Lisa Mitchell
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Upcoming event at Pegasus: 
Moving Through Anxiety with Jessica Houghton
February 26, 2:00-3:30 for ages 10-14 years.

On Sunday February 26th we will be having a free workshop to introduce the new “Moving through Anxiety” group which will begin in March.
We will focus on managing childhood mental health difficulties, including anxiety and depression, for children ages 10-14.
The session will take place from 2:00-3:30pm at Pegasus Studios.

This workshop uses the techniques of Dance Movement Psychotherapy, led by Pegasus alumni Jessica Houghton. Below is an excerpt from Jessica's website about Dance Movement Psychotherapy. 

“Dance Movement Psychotherapy (DMP) is a relational process in which the clients and therapist engage creatively using body movement and dance to assist integration of emotional, cognitive, physical, and social aspects of self.” (www.admp.org.uk)

Through embodied exploration and creative movement expression, DMP can offer access to unconscious material, expand awareness of the felt senses, and help deepen your understanding of your internal world.

Dance Movement Psychotherapists believe in the interconnection between the body, mind, and emotions, and that the three are mutually influential. Because of this connection, any changes experienced physically or in movement are reflected in changes in emotional or psychological states, and vice versa.
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Incorporating both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication means that DMP can address relational or developmental issues arising from any stage of life. Non-verbal communication through dance is also helpful at times when you find it difficult to express yourself through words.

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